So many parents love to use this line: “My parents did it to/with me and I turned out fine!” This old, tired line is becoming the most annoying phrase I hear. From spanking to smoking, TV watching to leaving kids in cars (or without booster seats) to putting kids to bed with bottles (why would you even do that?), I hear parents using this same excuse to justify their parenting, and frankly, I am sick of it.

The booster seats are pretty much taken care of because now using them is the law. If parents are caught without them, at least they’re fined. The same sort of goes with leaving kids in cars, though I still see it happen too often. But when it comes to the rest of these destructive behaviors, parents can pretty much do what they want when it comes to their kids, their pediatricians’ advice be damned.

How many different things have we learned about since our own parents started out—how many things have been proven to be destructive? Spanking kids makes them more violent, lowers their IQs, and is just revolting; I have written over and over again how obscene it is that we physically harm children legally when it’s not legal to do such a thing to anyone from a dog to a criminal. And why? “My parents did it to make me respect them!”

No, it made you fear them. And I saw a great comment earlier today that stated no matter the reason you’re spanking, ultimately it is because YOU failed as a parent—whether it was to reason with your child, to anticipate his or her needs, to understand him or her, whatever. So you’re taking out your own failure on your own child. How healthy.

Then there’s the whole TV issue. I was raised in front of a television, too. And while my brain wasn’t turned to mush, my body certainly was—as were the bodies of many people I know who watched a lot of TV as children as well. I guess if you don’t mind helping your child be unhealthy, it’s okay—but I’d rather encourage my daughter to do things I didn’t do much, like ride a bike or run around outside (which, thankfully, she likes to do).

And how about all of that smoking around kids? Today at the park, there were smokers as well as cigarette butts littered everywhere. I wish I could have the freedom to not be around that disgusting cloud of smoke, but the rights of smokers are held at a higher value in my area (I know in other areas it’s the opposite). Sure, my parents smoked around me since my own conception—and I have the asthma, allergies, seasonal bronchitis, and other illnesses to prove it. Want to pass that on to your kids?

I don’t mean to be preachy. I really don’t. I know that in 20 years, there will be even more research that will probably show how awful things that we do as parents today are, and how we should do things differently. There is already research showing how harmful empty praise, grades, and sticker charts can be. Who knows what else we will find after study?

The point is that we should always strive to be better, and that doesn’t mean throwing all of our parents’ hard work in their faces. It means taking what we can from them, and moving forward with what we learn today. Don’t our kids deserve it?