Quiz: How Gross of a Parent Are You?

All parents are guilty, at some point or another, of being pretty gross. Let’s face it—it comes with the territory. When your kid’s nose begins to run and you’re without a tissue, what do you do—wipe it on his shirt (or yours) or just let it drizzle into his lip? And all of us have probably had a week sometime in our lives—particularly with the arrival of an infant—where, showerless and smelly, people in Hazmat suits would have been afraid to walk around us.

Of course, some parents are grosser than others. My mother was a clean freak; she had to have the linoleum sparkling and shiny every day for fear of me crawling around and germing up my little mug. My husband’s family, on the other hand, practically let him play in raw sewage. Say what you will about either method—his immune system is far superior to mine today. We’re trying to meet somewhere in the middle with our own child.

So just how gross of a parent are you? Take this little quiz and find out where you score.

1.       Your baby drops her binky at the playground. You:

A. Whip out your spare, an exact copy sealed in a sanitary plastic bag.

B. Rinse it off in the water fountain.

C. Hand it right back without a second glance. A little dirt never hurt anyone.

D. Swish it around in your own mouth or spit on it and give it back. There—all clean!

2.       You’re visiting Grandma, who has a very hairy dog. You:

A. Bring along your dirt devil and clean Grandma’s house before allowing your princess access to the area.

B. Cringe, putting a sheet down to let your baby play on, and ask that the dog be kept away.

C. Let your child play with the dog, its hair be damned. It’s a sweet dog, after all.

D. Let the dog and kid get as messy as they want—heck, the dog will lick off the ice cream Grandma’s sure to give her—and then let them bathe together.

3.       Your baby just spit up all over you at the library. You:

A. Swiftly and expertly change her clothes from top to bottom in the complete extra fashionable set you’ve brought along, rinsing out the spit-up clothing and depositing it into a clean zip lock bag.

B. Take her to the bathroom to clean her up, praying you still have that extra onesies you usually keep in the diaper bag.

C. Wipe her off as best as you can with paper towels or her spit-up rag and continue looking for a book.

D. Just leave it where it is. It’s just a little bit of backwash, right?

Now tally up your score…

Mostly A’s: The White Glove Gladiator

You’re the anal retentive, neat-freak parent whom others either condemn or envy. Like Katie Holmes, people may find you on the playground, wiping the equipment down before your little one has a go on the monkey bars.

Mostly B’s: The Paranoid Procreator

You’re the one who worries about germs, the flu and every new disease or recall, and sanitize your house as such. While you may not be cleaning out the rubber seal on your refrigerator with a Q-tip every week, a day with piled dishes and dusty floors is rare in your home.

Mostly C’s: The Carefree Creator

You think the three-second rule still applies—indoors, anyway, right? A bath a week is enough for your wee one—any more would dry out her skin anyway—and any given day your kids is running around in her underoos because there’s just no clean laundry left to wear.

Mostly D’s: The Chernobyl Caretaker

 You are the all time grosser-outer mom or dad. Who needs fart jokes or fake puke on April Fool’s Day when you’ve got your own home-grown lab of mutant progeny and biohazards?

What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever done as a parent? Share your experiences in the comments below.