As a homeschooler, there are plenty of questions I’m used to getting, putting me on the spot to defend my lifestyle. I get these questions from everyone—rednecks who store guns who think the government is coming to get them, weed addicts, paranoid people who rarely leave their homes, alcoholics—and while I don’t mean to put these people in poor light, my point is that I’m not questioning their lifestyles, which may be much less healthy than my own (indeed, in my own opinion, they are). I don’t go to their homes and interrogate them or put them on the defense about their lives, so I don’t really get why they feel it’s their job to do it to me.

I’m pretty much used to the whole “Won’t she miss out on socialization” question; in fact, it just makes me laugh. Many homeschoolers refer to this as a joke, since our kids are so busy socializing—from sports to classes to events to play dates to park time—that it really looks like the other way around to us. Your child sits at a desk most of the day, and often gets in trouble to talking with his or her “neighbor;” he or she is often put “in silence” in the lunch room and the bus just because the people in charge cannot handle the noise level—while my child gets to talk, make friends with, and play with many people—often dozens of kids a day. So, that question is just sort of funny for me.

But lately it’s been the whole “Well, how do you know she’s learning?” question, since I don’t make my daughter take standardized tests (and I don’t intend to, unless she wants to in order to get into a certain school or something—though many colleges don’t really care about those anymore, either). This is annoying to me as a parent and as a teacher, as I’m sure many other teachers are annoyed by it, as well. Standardized testing does not tell us a thing about what kids know. It tells us what they don’t know, sure; they get four options and a chance to get one right, and it’s often over material that they will likely never need to use again.

My favorite counter remark is, “How did you know that your daughter was learning to walk? How did you know that she knew her colors or numbers or how to tie her shoes or your own name?” It’s simple enough: if you’re with the kid all of the time, you’d better know what he or she is learning. If you’re not, you’re certainly not paying attention—and you’re not doing your job as a parent.

Teachers who utilize oral and written exams without multiple choice will tell you the same thing. I used to tell kids, “I want you to show me what you do know.” That might employ telling me all about a subject in a conversation, writing me a story or a letter about it, or even doing a creative project, like a detailed diorama or comic strip, about it. Teachers who let me do this myself weren’t many, but they were always my favorites.

It’s true that teachers often have too many kids to be able to assess them individually like this—and the government is constantly piling on more standardized tests to be teaching on top of it. But most of them would probably still tell you that they know who “gets” something or not just by paying attention—not by giving tests.