In my eight years of public school teaching, I've learned some valuable lessons. Positive encouragement up front will save you a ton of hassle down the road. Never grade papers after 8 p.m. If you want to know why a kid is the way they are, meet their parents. Coffee is not optional. Comfort over style. Amid the many lessons are also some very valuable tips that translate well from the classroom to the living room. Though my daughter is only 6 months old, and we haven't really hit the age where discipline is necessary (though it's coming soon), I understand that there are some universal truths in disciplining a child, whether they're eight or eighteen.

1. Establish behavioral guidelines up front. We don't like surprises when it comes to discipline. It feels like we're playing a game but we don't know the rules. Rules are established so that we know what the general expectations of society are, and how to function well within it. With that in mind you don't need to establish a bulleted laundry list; just a few general behavioral guidelines up front can be very effective in reducing behaviors. For instance, always be safe, responsible, and respectful. Those fit pretty well in any context; whether playing with siblings or friends, going out to eat, or sitting in a waiting room. Example: Before you take your child into a restaurant, have a conversation on the way there about what they think being safe and responsible and respectful in a restaurant looks like. (Depending on their age, you may not be using those vocab words yet, but you can coach them in the right direction).
2. Along with rules comes consequences for breaking them. Just as you would preview the rules or expectations ahead of time, it's also important to do that with consequences. You don't want to threaten them with it, just explain it as casually as your boss might explain the consequence of being late to the office on your first-day orientation. It's just policy, that's all. The other thing, however, is that consequences need to be consistent. The first time you let a consequence slide, your child will see a crack in the armor and realize that consequences are less policy and more your individual decision. From then on it becomes a never-ending round of limit-testing and negotiations. Now, as the child gets older (and is very aware of consequences) it may become more necessary to negotiate...after all, with greater responsibilities comes greater consequences and more freedoms.
3. Finally, never ever yell. You never want to react to what your child's doing wrong in an emotional way. We call this personalizing the child's misbehavior. You're taking it personally, and your letting your emotions get the better of you. That does two things for the child. Number one, it models a similar behavior for them. In other words, you tell your kid not to have temper tantrums, yet they see you having them. Also (and this may sound a little cynical), but children are master manipulators. If they see you personalize their behaviors, they will discover your "buttons" and can push them to startling effect. If you stay calm, objective, and dispassionate as you redirect your child's behaviors you continue to communicate that rules and consequences are just "policy", and they will understand that for every misdeed, there is a consequence. In addition, a child won't see you as emotionally involved in the act. You are the parent and the authority figure, not someone that can be emotionally manipulated by their actions. They'll also be much more in control of their own (after awhile) because they see that modeled in you.

     So these are just three things that I use to maintain control in my own classroom and that I've seen work with kids time and again. Of course, as the child's parent you'll need to find your own strategies in using these tools based on you and your child's relationship. However, when it comes to discipline, there really is no more effective approach than establishing rules and consequences up front, staying consistent in their application, and delivering the dreaded "consequences" in a calm and objective manner. Following these guidelines can make disciplining your child a more effective and less-hurtful experience for everyone.